All of Our Secrets, Coming Undone
by sogoodatmending
Summary: It's been days since the day Clare was sexually harassed but the memories are still haunting her. And with a sleepover movie night with Eli under way, Clare's hesitant actions towards Eli make him wonder if he's done something wrong and fears the worst. But is Clare willing to tell Eli the truth to set his spirit free or will their newfound relationship crumble? Oneshot co-write


**Story time! Okay, so this is HELLA LONG. But basically it's a beautiful story written between me and the lovely covetedoutcomes. Basically our version of what happens when Clare tells Eli about the harassment at the internship. Enjoy~**

* * *

The house was silent. Completely silent. Clare guessed that Glen and her mom were at work. She didn't know where Jake was. If he was home he sure wasn't bringing too much attention to himself. She was fine with that. She'd been growing to love the silence lately. Or maybe she hated it. She wasn't quite sure. Sometimes it was eerie but other times it was nice. It allowed her to think. But that was probably the bad thing.

Clare often thought too much. She'd overthink situations and overanalyze things. And when she did she'd get this feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she was making a big deal out of nothing. But this time there was none. And that scared her. There was no feeling telling her this wasn't a big deal. No thought in the back of her mind to tell her to stop worrying. Because for one of the first times, this _was _a big deal. She had a right to worry. Everything seemed to be falling and there was no rope or ledge to grab onto. There was just air. Though even when there was air, how come at times it seemed hard to breathe? Silence can do that to you. It can be suffocating.

Checking the time, Clare noticed that she'd have to be leaving within the next few minutes. She grabbed a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from her dresser as well as a change of clothing for the next day, folding them and placing them in her duffle bag that lied in her closet. Off of her bed she placed two movies; _50 First Dates _and _Gone_. She'd gotten the latter from Jake, saying that it could be a movie that would hit the middle ground of their interests. She'd be content with that. So without wasting any more time, Clare made her way out of the silent house and began the journey down the road towards the Goldsworthy residence. She was nervous, of course. As well as excited. She'd be spending the night with Eli. Completely innocently, of course, but sleeping in the same bed nonetheless. They'd made these plans a while ago while out on a late night adventure to their little hide away.

The idea of a night with Eli was so appealing in her mind at the time. It was the same now but…that was before everything that had happened. Everything with Asher. The kiss, the harassment, the loss of the internship. The loss of a lot of things including some of her sanity. It haunted her, what Asher had done to her. It was sickening. Disgusting. And the fact that no one at the Interpreter believed her made it that much worse. Clare was alone in this with no one to fight for her.

Telling Eli was completely out of the equation. Ever since they'd been back together, Eli had been nothing but happy minus the stressful moments with Becky that seemed to take place. But that was all in the past now. Clare didn't think she'd ever seen the boy smile so much in her entire life. And she knew that telling him what went down at City Hall would tear the smile away. Just like it had to her. Flashbacks of the moment would soar through her mind multiple times of the day and night, making concentrating difficult as well as sleeping. Eli mentioning her article that had been published every two seconds didn't make that any easier. She knew he was proud of her and just trying to be a good boyfriend but honestly, she just wanted him to stop talking about it. But if she was that direct, he'd know something was definitely up and she'd have to spill. That was the last thing she wanted.

Gripping the corners of his blanket, Eli flung the heavy fabric in the air, attempting to smooth out any wrinkles or creases before placing it flat down on his bed. As it landed, he flattened out the corners, aligning it with each corner of the bed. This was the most effort he'd ever put into making his bed, usually content to just lay it haphazardly across the expanse of his mattress. But Clare was coming over tonight, and his own closeted tidy nature was beginning to surface.

Aside from clearing out his room gradually and relieving it of his hoarding tendencies, he hadn't made a point to clean it up in this way. Scanning the room over for about the tenth time, he finally felt somewhat satisfied with the results. He was growing more anxious and excited as he waited for her to arrive, eager to get the night started. He knew nothing intimate would happen, but that was far from his mind anyway.

Both he and Clare seemed to be busy with their respective duties. Tonight would be just for them to enjoy each other's company, ensuring that they stayed in tune with what was going on each other's lives. Since she got published, he could barely contain his joy over the fact, making sure to tell her as often as he could how proud he was of the feat. Surely it hadn't come easily, knowing she'd sacrificed a great deal of time for the article. Reading over it himself had only proved to him that Clare was so talented, almost startlingly so. Even though she'd credited most of the work to Asher, he refused to buy it, spotting out numerous writing tendencies of hers in the article. She never failed to inspire him, and he hoped she knew just how much of a muse she continued to be to him.

Taking a peek at the clock, Eli noted that it was just about time for Clare to arrive, keeping in mind how punctual she generally was. He exited his room, then descending the stairs loudly, his feet slamming down on the wooden steps. He wandered over to the window, spotting Clare's head of curls making her way down the road. Instead of waiting for her to get to the door, he stepped outside, running up to her enthusiastically. Clare's thoughts were instantly snapped from her mind as she saw Eli jogging towards her.

"Gotcha!" he stated loudly, scooping her up in his arms and lifting her off the ground a bit, a small laugh escaping Clare's lips. "I missed you, if you couldn't tell." he joked, kissing her lips gently. "Come on, we have a sleepover to start, m'lady."

Still carrying her, he walked them over to his door, only placing her down to let them inside. Letting her pass through before him, he followed her, then shutting the door behind them. Winding his arms around her once more, he kissed her cheek, pulling her close to him.

"Why must you be so gorgeous…?" he muttered, pressing his lips to her forehead. "How are you feeling? Excited, I hope." Beaming at her, he let go of her just a bit, knowing he was probably overwhelming her and she'd just entered the house.

"Well hello to you, too," Clare mused, smiling back up at him. He was truly something. "I brought a few movies. One you will probably say no to and another you might say yes to. Jake helped me pick out the latter."

Beaming down at her, Eli nodded as she spoke, letting a small snicker escape him. "If it's The Notebook or anything similar, then it's going to accompany the rest of the trash in my wastebasket." he half-joked, fully prepared to dispose of such a movie should it be presented to him.

Slowly Clare stepped out of the embrace and took Eli's hand in her own, beginning to walk towards the stairs. "Shall we start then?"

"Absolutely." he replied eagerly, following her up the stairs. As they reached his room, he swung the door open, taking her bag off her shoulder and placing it on his computer chair. Spinning her around to face him, Eli wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck gently.

Clare shut her eyes softly as he did so, her heartbeat sped up instantly at the contact and a small, nervous sigh escaped her lips. Honestly, this action would usually draw her to lean into him more under normal circumstance. But ever since what had happened with Asher, she felt herself nervous to any kind of touch – even if it was from Eli. After he pulled away her eyes searched the room, noticing how clean it had become. She was pleased that it seemed his hoarding was under control, or even nonexistent at this point in time. That was really a great relief to her. She was a bit nervous thinking about it before.

She knew that he'd made progress just from the past time that they had dated but she was definitely curious to see if it had completely gone away or if there were still signs of it. But clearly, he'd gotten past it. Which she knew would be a great milestone for the boy. Clare just watched him curiously at all of his actions and words. Looking at all of his expressions to the movie choices she had brought. He was being a bit clingy but it wasn't like it was his fault. If she wasn't so paranoid about everything then she would have loved the interactions. But lately she was just on edge.

This had nothing to do with Eli at all. It was just that every time someone touched her when she wasn't the one initiating the action, she felt like she wanted to flinch and pull away. Because when someone touched her when she hadn't went in for the action first it reminded her of Asher. How he had grabbed her and stroked her hair and cheek when she didn't want him to. How he'd kissed her when she hated it. How she tried to escape from him but wouldn't let her. She hated the feeling and wished it didn't have as much as an effect on her than it did. But she couldn't help it. It's like she couldn't avoid it. She knew that once Eli caught on to any sort of fear in her system he'd automatically think it was his fault. That wasn't it at all. If anything she wanted his touch the most. It's just…she couldn't do it.

"I'm sorry for being such a clingy bastard, I can't help myself." he muttered against her skin, placing a chaste kiss on her lips before withdrawing. "Let's see these movies then." Waiting for her to take them out of her bag, he eyeballed both of them, then giving her a perplexed smile. "_50 First Dates_ is right up your alley, but _Gone_?" he asked, pulling her down on the bed to sit next to him. "Honestly, we can watch either of these, whatever you prefer. As long as you're here, I sincerely don't care. It's not like I'll be watching much anyway, you're far too distracting." he teased, bumping his shoulder against hers playfully as he picked up _50 First Dates._ "We'll watch this one, as a little congratulations for your most recent success. Which reminds me…" he trailed off, walking to the opposite of his room, gesturing to a frame. "I might have framed one for myself as well." he said, smiling widely to her, looking over the glass-encased newspaper.

When Eli pulled out the framed paper, she just stared. _No._ H-he had one, too. It was like it was following her. Reminding her wherever she went of what had happened. She couldn't blame Eli. He didn't know. He was excited over the fact she was published and that it was about the play that he was directing. Clare tried to smile at it and wanted to tell him that it was nice but she couldn't find the words escaping her lips. Eli then walked over to the DVD player, inserting the disc and returning back to the bed. Clare had moved over to sit on the edge, watching Eli set everything up before his return. She tried to smile again.

"This has Drew Barrymore in it, right?" he inquired, skimming over the DVD box. "She's a decent actress. Loved her in _Firestarter_, though I may be biased since it's a Stephen King classic." He realized he was rambling a bit, his attention re-focused as the title screen appeared on the TV. "You're awfully quiet, probably only because I've been going on and on though." He paused, running his hand along her leg. Clare held back a flinch. Though she hadn't tried hard enough. Her leg still jolted a tiny bit. Eli must have noticed the action…just didn't mention it. "We're going to have a great night. I promise." With that, he sat further back against his bed, lifting his arm and motioning for Clare to join him.

The girl tried to ignore it all and focus on what was going on with the movie, moving towards his open arms and sitting beside him. She left space in between them. The other day she hadn't had any problems with snuggling into his side on the bench. And that was after the incident. But being completely alone with him was putting her on edge. What if he tried something? He had been a bit clingy already, giving her brief touches and kisses. Eli had said he wouldn't be paying attention to the movie at all. He'd be…_distracted. _Clare shook her head and turned to smile at Eli.

"I'm just a bit tired, is all," she noted, trying to excuse her lack of conversation. "I like hearing you talk though. Really, it's alright. I like hearing your voice." Slowly she leaned over, hesitantly placing her head on Eli's shoulder. Immediately his warmth covered the side of her body and she tried to relax into him, desperately wanting to. She wanted to cuddle and kiss and enjoy the movie. She wanted to just have everything be alright again.

But it wasn't. And just the thought that she might not be able to be with Eli as completely as she wanted to because of what Asher had done brought the raw emotion back into effect. Clare held her breath, knowing that if she didn't try to resist, the tears would start falling all over again. This wasn't supposed to happen. Her and Eli were supposed to be happy this time. It was supposed to be perfect. She couldn't just let this event ruin everything. So why was this so hard?

Letting out a small yawn as the beginning of the movie progressed, Eli coiled his arm around Clare's shoulders, craving her touch and her warmth. He could never seem to get over how much she affected him, instantaneously setting him at ease. Lately he'd been in better spirits than ever, his optimism overriding his usual pessimism at every turn. Though he knew the changes were internal, changed by both his new mindset and his meds, he had to give Clare at least a quarter of the credit.

Since regaining stability with her, he couldn't find a flaw in his day to day existence. Before, it had always been her absence in his life that weighed heaviest on him, reminding him that he wouldn't feel entirely right or content without her company, her touch, her thoughts, her affection. Since rekindling their friendship and romance, virtually all of his concerns had been erased, finding himself capable of tackling any and all tasks. This undoubtedly was aiding him in the production of the play, making it easier for him to concentrate and achieve his goals.

Noting how she seemed to shiver or tremble a bit, he rubbed the palm of his hand against her shoulder, attempting to warm her. "It is a little chilly in here, I apologize. Generally I like it cold," he told her, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over them. "Better?" he asked, returning his arm to her small frame.

"Thanks," Clare practically whispered. She was partly trembling out of the cold and partly out of just plain nerves. Sucking in a breath, she let herself completely lean into Eli's side, taking in his warmth. She was beginning to feel a bit more comfortable as moments passed and as the movie started. This was just her and Eli watching a movie. That was all. It was nice really, being able to just have everything still and calm. Just relaxing in his embrace.

Eli found his attention drifting, unconsciously drawn to Clare. No matter what they were doing, he could never keep his thoughts off of her for long. She was a magnet to which he felt the strongest pull, and he knew that was how it would always be. This fact sat well with him, knowing he could fully indulge in her company from here on out. As Clare held her attention to the movie, she could sense Eli watching her which made her a bit nervous again. The feeling of eyes on her wasn't her favourite thing in the world. In the past, having Eli gaze at her gave her butterflies. It still did now to an extent but she couldn't help but begin to feel slightly uncomfortable. And this isn't what she wanted to happen at all. She wanted to just let it be but she felt like she needed to shift.

Eli nuzzled his head against hers and breathed in the scent of her shampoo, letting it calm him. "You always smell amazing." he whispered, in awes over how deeply she impacted his thoughts, not to mention his body. A laugh escaped her lips softly at his comment and she nudged him a bit. He always told her little things like how she looked nice or smelled nice, how she was beautiful and brilliant. It was cute to her how he'd always compliment her in small ways like that.

He knew they'd agreed not to push the limits of their physical relationship during their time together, but making out wasn't out of the ordinary, nothing they hadn't done before. He almost couldn't help himself at this point. Running his fingers through her hair, he tilted her body up so her could see her, offering her a sweet smile before leaning into press his lips against hers. The feeling of panic took over again Clare's body. The way he lightly caressed her curls had the same feeling as the way Asher had begun to touch her in the car at City Hall. Her body twitched again and she was about to say something when she felt his lips on hers and he pulled her into a kiss. _It's Eli, it's just Eli, it's just Eli_. She reminded herself, trying to get her lips to move with his. As Eli kissed her, Clare tried to lean into it and enjoy it but she couldn't.

Leaning in a bit more as they kissed, Eli felt that same sense of electricity that always followed in their kisses, slowly working to deepen it. Though he knew she had her boundaries, he couldn't help but throw himself into it, taking in every little bit of intimacy she could offer him. His hand moved to her waist, inching himself a bit closer to her when he began to feel a little resistance on her side. Without any reason known to Eli, Clare pulled away, her breathing shaky and her eyes avoiding his completely.

Trying to cover up her actions, she turned in his embrace to lean against him in the way she'd done before and looked to the TV. "I- I just want to watch the movie," she whispered.

Eli's jaw dropped, immediately feeling a bit offended, but more than anything, confused. Her eyes were averted away from his, making him wonder if he'd somehow overstepped an invisible boundary he wasn't aware of. Narrowing his eyes at her, he nodded slowly, throwing his hands up in surrender and then returning to the screen. He sat perfectly still, afraid any moment would offend her. Letting his eyes travel down, he noted how tense she seemed, as if every muscle in her face was made of stone. His chest ached, wondering what he'd done to offend her so greatly.

Since they'd gotten back together, she seemed to be completely enthusiastic about kissing, cuddling, anything of that nature. It was all innocent fun, or so he thought. Letting his thoughts run away with him a bit too much, he started to wonder if he was coming off as too clingy all over again, like what had happened towards the end of their relationship last time. Dread filled him, knowing that hadn't been his intent at all. If she was willing, he could easily tone it down, go more her speed. But she refused to meet his eyes, her body only becoming more rigid beside his.

Clare continued to avoid Eli's gaze, afraid of his reaction to her pulling away so hastily and tried to focus on the screen. In reality, though, her mind was in a complete frenzy. Eli was going to suspect what was going on with her. She'd been a bit on edge all night and he'd be catching on completely now. She just couldn't help herself. Every intimate type of gesture seemed to startle her. She hated the feeling. She wanted to lean in and kiss Eli over and over again just like they had done the other night but there was a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her just want to scream for him to not touch her and just leave her alone. Against her will, Clare could feel her breathing begin to hitch and she held her tears back. Eli couldn't know. And if she freaked out too much he'd figure it out.

"Sorry…I…I'm not really…I'm just tired. Do you mind if we just watch?"

Hearing an odd noise from her, Eli slowly leaned down, looking to her in bewilderment. "We are just watching, Clare. I'm not going to touch you again." he replied, his words coming off a bit colder than he had intended for them to. He made a point to move a bit farther away from her, giving her all the space she wanted.

Clare's heart just about broke at the action. She didn't mean to irritate him at all, she was just scared by his touch that she felt like distance was the only way to free her mind from the torturous thoughts of Asher's actions. She knew that it was unfair to be treating Eli the way she was when he in fact had done absolutely nothing wrong. But she couldn't help it. Her body just had this kneejerk reaction whenever someone touched her or kissed her when she didn't initiate it herself. If someone could start something like that and take control of her there was no limits to what they could do to her against her will.

Slowly but surely, Eli's mind was deteriorating, turning into a complete mess as the distance between them increased, not only physically but mentally. In an instant, it seemed Clare had shut herself off, deciding this wasn't right for her. It was only a matter of time until she changed her mind, it was something Eli tried not to think about, but couldn't help but acknowledge. He could feel himself beginning to shake just a bit, wishing he could ask Clare to go home so he could get some time to think, but deep down he didn't want her to leave. He wanted her in his arms, enjoying his company, involved in their time together. Feeling as though he couldn't stay quiet anymore, he looked to Clare, searching her eyes for a moment. She looked scared. It was an expression he hadn't seen in her eyes since he'd crashed his car.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong?" he asked softly, making sure to stay away from her. "If I did something, all you need to do is tell me. We can work out anything, anything at all. Just give me the chance to." he almost pleaded, his heart pounding wildly in fear.

"_Come on, Clare. Clare, no one needs to know." _She shuttered a bit, trying to erase the image from her mind and focus on the screen but the incident from the car and from the night Asher kissed her kept flowing through her mind like an infection. She felt bile start to rise in her throat, as she thought about it and choked a bit, trying to ignore what was going on internally.

Honestly Clare wished she could just tune it out and forget it but it was festering inside of her and boiling up out of her control. Just like Asher's actions were _completely out of her control_. She felt her breathing becoming more ragged by the second and her body began to shake a bit as she tried to hold back the tears. She wanted this to be okay. It had to be but she couldn't make it alright. Not like she'd planned or thought. It was harder than she imagined.

Eli's voice echoed through her mind as he asked what was wrong, obviously thinking that he'd done something to make her feel uncomfortable. It wasn't his fault though. It wasn't. And he had to know that but…she couldn't…he'd been so happy just moments ago and she had already ruined that.

"Y-you can't fix it," she whispered, her voice breaking as she spoke. "I- I can't…I can't f-fix it either it's – it's…" Clare's eyes scanned the space out in front of her trying to gather words but her mind was racing so fast that she couldn't grab on to anything logical.

Eli watched Clare helplessly, watching as her emotional state seemed to deteriorate, falling and breaking into shambles as he sat in front of her, only being able to watch. She wouldn't accept a kind gesture or a comforting embrace. He knew to keep his distance, even if he didn't know what had spurred her resistance. Her body trembled, wracked with nerves or something equally as difficult to shake. He felt as if he was waiting for his own personal hell to reawaken again; a sorry, pitiful excuse for an existence without her in it. He'd managed to get through it in nearly one piece the first time, but he knew this time he wouldn't manage to be so lucky.

At this point, she'd drilled herself so deeply into her core, rooted herself nearly into his DNA and everything that made his body work properly. To put it simply, she was every cog that existed in the machine that was his body. Without her, it ceased to work properly, to truly exist at all, just a pointless shell for a pointless purpose. He readied himself for the news, knowing he'd have to take it well for her sake.

He figured that even though it didn't make sense to him now, perhaps it would in retrospect, as it had the first time around. There would be no option but to accept it, as he told himself when the two of them had started this. That should she find a reason to break up, it was his duty to do whatever it took to keep her happy. Still, he could feel the muscles in his chest chipping and bending out of whack bit by bit, with each mechanical breath he took.

"N-no, I can fix it, whatever it is," he urged, accidentally moving just a bit closer to her, and then thinking better of it.

His expression grew more confused as she continued, her words seeming to slur and slip together into a muddled mess. He could barely comprehend her through her tears. He wished he could see inside her head, no matter how chaotic or terrifying it may be to her, just to sift through all of it and pull away the needed information. The root of her anguish and trouble. It seemed just the other day, everything was going in her favor, getting her article published, things going well at school and with him. What could have possibly gone wrong? The questions aimlessly bounced and ricocheted against each other in head, finding no solace in an answer as he waited for Clare to collect herself.

"You didn't do anything. Nothing you d-did was wrong…_please_ believe that…Eli…" she begged.

"Okay." he said quietly, the smallest bit of ease settling within him, knowing now that he wasn't the cause of her grief. All the same, something was, and he would go mad if he didn't find out what.

Slowly, Clare turned her body to face Eli's, shaking more and more. She had to tell him the truth. If she didn't he was just going to think that this was ending like it had last time. And that was far from what was going on at all. As she turned to face him, he could see the dismay and utter sorrow written on her face. His face fell from concerned to lost, absolutely lost at the sight of the girl he loved battling something inside her head, unable to help her escape from it. Never before had he seen her so dejected, not even with her parent's divorce. This look was one of inner terror and conflict, one he knew he'd worn before.

"I lost the internship…with the Interpreter." Her voice paused for a moment, the only sound coming from the movie that was playing in front of them. "I- I lost it…because n-no one…no one believes me. Asher…"

Clare took a breath and shut her eyes tight which was just enough force to push the tears from her eyes and down her cheeks. Her lips quivered as she tried to speak. Tried to tell Eli what happened. She was able to tell Alli so easily…to yell it out in the office in front of everyone. So why was this any different? Because this wasn't just her job. Her passion. This was her _love_. Something that was so fragile that if one tiny crack was in just the right place a bump would shatter it so badly the damage would be unfixable.

With her words, his jaw dropped, finally getting a grasp on everything. "You did? But y-you didn't say anything about it…" he questioned, shaking his head in confusion. Right as he was about to inquire further, she continued with her words, Asher's name falling from her lips, something about no one believing her. His chest swelled and tightened, his whole body coming to a halt.

"A-Asher…he kissed me. A-and I didn't say anything. And then he- he locked me in his car and every time someone touches me all I can feel is _his hands_ on me a-and no one believes me! I yelled and screamed at them but they – they treat me like some stupid naive girl but _he_ harassed _me_ and I g-got fired for it and…and now…I- I can't get the feeling of him off of m-me or the sound of his voice out of my mind and it keeps replaying itself over and over and I feel like I'm trapped-." Clare's words halted completely at the shaking of her body as a loud sob erupted from her lips.

She'd done it. She'd told Eli. And now…she wasn't sure what exactly was going to happen but she was mentally preparing herself for the worst. She covered her face with her hands and cried, not going to Eli for comfort at all. She just sat there and shook, tears pouring down her face as if everything she'd loved and needed had just been stolen from her with no sense of return. She was breaking. Clare Edwards was actually breaking and she felt like no one was going to be able to fix it. She desperately wanted Eli to, but every time she wanted to go in for some sort of embrace her body jerked at the touch and she couldn't stand it. This was it. _This_ was hell.

Once the truth came spilling, spewing forth from her lips, Eli felt the coldest, most gripping chill overtake him, one that nothing in the world could thaw. He felt as if his whole body was being choked. Everything made sense to him and yet it didn't at all, still trying to gain some sort of valid comprehension on the matter.

As she exclaimed, he looked to her, his hands shaking, a tremor he couldn't control or contain overwhelming him. It took a long time for him to say a thing, his eyes fixed helplessly on her shaking frame, watching as she let every barrier, every wall, every possible thing she'd been holding in, out. The numbness was soon replaced by rage, a blind rage that was foreign to him. Getting up from the bed, he paced about his room, gripping his head and quite literally attempting to tear his hear out from his scalp.

_No, no, no, no._ Not Clare. Not his girl. His love. The thought of anyone taking advantage of her shook him to his core, filling him with animosity. She looked up to him, idolized this man. He - he'd talked to him himself. Now he could see Asher's face in his mind's eye, suffocating him with thoughts of their lips meeting. Forcing himself on Clare. And the fact that she'd been hiding it, quite obviously afraid to tell him. He felt his heart breaking as he looked down at her, the tears freely flowing from his eyes.

When she felt Eli move from the bed, Clare looked up, trying to wipe the tears falling down her own face away though it wasn't much use with the waterfalls cascading down. She knew he was mad. He had to be. It was who he was. He'd constantly tell her that if anyone ever came between them that he'd have to kill them. It was all a joke but she knew deep down there was a darker, true meaning behind the words. Eli wouldn't let _anyone_ mess with her and she knew that.

The fact itself was one of the reasons why she didn't want to say anything to him. When Eli went into his state of protection, he wasn't himself. It was like someone else took over completely. And that scared her. But it was just a reaction to him and she knew he couldn't really help it, especially in this situation.

Crouching down on his knees in front of her slowly, he forced himself to not touch her. "H-he is not getting away with this, you understand me, Clare?" he asked, his voice shaking uncontrollably. "Not you. No. He's going to pay." His voice was even now, stoic, almost.

A cold, calculating sort of hate filling him, but not towards Clare. Never towards Clare. He kept his eyes on hers, swallowing hard as he let the sounds of the movie behind them drown out. All he could hear was their hearts beating wildly in unison, wishing for a reality where this had never happened to Clare, where she'd never been so horribly violated and betrayed. But he couldn't give her that, there was no comfort to give, only a promise of revenge. And that killed him more than anything.

Clare shook her head at the words flowing from Eli's mouth. They were a harsher version of the things Alli had told her before. Go tell Miss Oh. Go tell Officer Turner. But she couldn't do that. "_Eli_," she cried, starting to try and explain the depths of this whole mess. "You _can't_. There's no proof, Eli! Remember those tweets Adam and Connor sent? Stuff Clare Says? They're using that against me and saying that I have an inappropriate obsession with him and _that's _why they fired me! I've already tried and they wouldn't listen! I'm the one who got assaulted and all they care about is protecting their stupid star writer! If I were t-to go to the police or anyone I would have _no proof at all _that he did anything! No one believes me and it's over! The only proof I know about it actually happening is the nightmares I've had every single freaking night since it happened, there's _nothing you can do_!"

Taking an exhausting gulp of air, Clare choked again, more cries and sobs coming from her lips. This couldn't be happening. No, no…this wasn't real. It couldn't be. _No. _

There was no calming his nerves, no quieting or quelling the insatiable need he felt to hurt Asher. Staring up into Clare's eyes, he could tell just how unhinged she felt, wishing he could offer a form of comfort that would soothe her or placate her for the time being. Her body was still shaking, resisting and pushing away any and all forms of physical comfort he could offer her. He couldn't even begin to fathom how she felt, her wishes to maintain a platonic and professional relationship with Asher being ignored, cast aside for his own selfish desires.

Over and over again, his imagination tried to conjure up the scene in his mind's eye, no matter how much he didn't want to think about it. His gaze dropped to Clare's lips, a slow, burning ache starting within him, realizing Asher had kissed her. Before it hadn't sunken in completely, but now the reality of it was hitting him. It seemed Clare truly was in a bind, with no one in authority to believe her.

"I know they don't, but I do. I do believe you, Clare. Those tweets, those weren't your doing." He grimaced, seeing just how much all of these factors were playing against her, making it so her claims didn't seem true or valid. Asher had quite the reputation, one that seemed impenetrable. His notoriety for being an accomplished and influential journalist followed him everywhere. Eli knew it would take a lot to bring him down from that pedestal, if it was possible at all.

As she exclaimed, Eli felt himself flinch, turning away from her for a moment. He hated how she raised her voice at him, how she fought off his attempt to help in any way he knew how. But he knew why she was doing it. She was in a battle against her own memories and thoughts. No one could help her shake it or diminish the pain behind the event. She seemed locked in the push and pull of her emotions, like a marionette who's limbs were being controlled by another. The master being Asher.

"Eli, I'm so, so sorry," Clare whispered, her voice now much calmer than it had been. She was beginning to fear what Eli was going to do now that he'd found out. Was he going to have one of his episodes? I that was caused by her words, she knew she'd never forgive herself for that. She made a promise to herself at the start of this relationship that she'd do nothing but try to please him and she'd already failed that miserably.

Eli gritted his teeth together as she apologized, shaking his head. "No, that is the very last thing I want to hear from you right now." he stated, still resisting the urge to hold her. Looking to her, he tried to mask the need to touch her, reassure her, but he knew it was pasted all over him.

"I didn't want to say anything because you've…you've been so happy lately and I didn't want to screw that up. Eli I'm _sorry_." Clare wanted to run. She wanted to get up and run out of there. Not because she didn't want Eli there, because honestly she wished she could take the comfort he was trying so desperately to give to her in this situation. But because she just wanted to run and hide. Sit herself in the dark and just block out everything and everyone around her.

She wanted to keep the silence about it to Eli but she wanted the world to know at the same time what a sick pig Asher had turned out to be. All she ever wanted was to just learn from her favourite journalist and be able to write. What had she done to deserve this? How did she get here, so locked up and her mind at complete and utter war? Once upon a time Clare Edwards could do anything.

Stand up to anyone and take her ground. Just like she'd tried to do the other day. But it was as if she was ridiculed and tossed aside. They didn't care. All they did care about was their perfect writer. She was just some stupid intern with an obsession. The odds were stacked against her and were as heavy as a brick wall. Impossible to get to budge. She was stuck.

"No, _no_. Clare." Eli ranted, covering his face with his hands. "You could have told me!" he whispered, staring at her urgently. "My happiness is irrelevant. If I had known when it happened…" he trailed off, his mind wandering into dangerous territory for the time being. He could see why she'd hidden it from him, but the thought of her keeping it inside sickened him, twisted his stomach into tight, suffocating knots. "You need to stop being sorry, please."

Her body still shaking quite considerably and cries still leaving her throat, Clare lied down on Eli's bed, her back to him and she faced the wall. Her eyes closed and she pulled the blankets up more on her body. Blocking out Eli wasn't her intention but she honestly had no idea what to even do. She was disgusted and scared and needy all at the same time. It felt like her body and emotions were going to just explode at any moment. She wanted to scream.

But when she opened her mouth, not a sound came out. She was done. Eli was in murder mode and no one in authority wanted to take her seriously. She'd lost this war before it had even begun. Asher attacked her in her blind spot and there was nothing she could do about it now. _If a tree fell in a forest and no one was there to hear it, did it really fall…_

"Clare…" he said, his voice cracking a bit as he felt his eyes begin to sting again. Sliding back on the bed, he slid up behind her, not touching her body, but close enough to feel her body heat. Clare curled her body up, clutching the blankets close to her as if they brought some sort of safety. She just listened to his words flowing through her mind and she couldn't react.

This wasn't his fault. Him bringing the article up over and over again wasn't his fault. He was _proud_ of her. She'd sacrificed a lot to get those words in there. Time, energy…comfort…everything. And she truly wanted it there to help Eli with his decisions for NYU and for her one dream of publishing an article to come to life. But now that all seemed so irrelevant to her. Was all of this really even worth seeing her name and words in black ink on a piece of paper? She didn't eve know anymore.

"You need to know a few things." he started, staring at the back of her head. "You could have told me, but it's okay that you didn't. I get it. I was just so…proud of you…?" he mumbled, then realizing his error. His terribly blunt error that only occurred to him now. "Oh my god, Clare, I had no idea. Every time I brought it up…" He sucked in a shaky breath, knowing he'd only made it harder for her. "I'm _so _sorry." he mumbled, turning on his back. His eyes scanned around the room, the frame catching his eye. He lifted himself from the mattress, grabbing it off the wall.

Written by Clare Edwards, co-written/edited by Asher Shostak

The name sickened him, his thoughts turning on their head. Everything in him wanted to smash the frame, but that would only serve to upset her further. Instead he placed it face-down on the floor so neither of them would have to feel it staring them in the face. Returning to her, he slid up behind her body once more, this time lightly wrapping his arm around her waist. Clare gasped in another breath as the tears were continuing to flow from her eyes and tried to calm herself. Her body flinched once more as she felt Eli wrapping his arms around her.

"Shh, it's Eli. It's just me." he cooed, feeling her stir a bit. "I'm not going to hurt you, Clare. I could _never_." he promised, keeping his grasp on her lightweight.

As soon as she heard his voice, the tension seemed to fade a bit. _It's only Eli_, she reminded herself after he'd spoken. And when she heard his words offering a promise of protection, she could feel herself trying to force the walls she'd placed around her to budge even just a little.

"I'm not mad or upset with you, and I believe you, beyond a shadow of a doubt." He kissed her shoulder softly, hoping she wouldn't strike out at him. "I know you have the odds stacked against you, but I promise, he's going to get his. And I don't want you worrying about what that means. You let me handle it." He kept his breaths light and even, his tone gentle. "He's never going to touch you ever again, Clare. Never again."

The words seemed to stand out to her as she listened. After the statement, Clare turned to face Eli and pressed herself against his body, clutching onto his shirt like it was her lifeline. The tears began to escape more and more as she cried into his shoulder. _How could this hurt so much?_ There seemed to be a sense of relief as Clare tried to become closer in his arms.

Eli had always protected her in every way possible. He'd always wanted to hold her, to protect her, to make sure she was always okay. In their previous relationship it overwhelmed her so much and seemed to drive her insane. But now…with everyone else seemingly against her, the only thing she wanted was for Eli to stand by her side and defend her. Just like you do for the people you love.

Clare's movement into his arms was met with a full embrace, pulling her into his chest as much as he could. He let out a deep, longing sigh, rubbing her back with one hand and running his hand through her curls with the other. Her tears began to dampen his t shirt, but he didn't mind at all. This was Clare finally letting it out, allowing someone to give her the comfort she seem to desperately need.

Kissing the top of her head, Eli sucked in a long breath, attempting to rid himself of the anxiety that was finally catching up to him. Seeing Clare breaking down, feeling it within his two arms, it was enough to shatter him completely. Knowing Asher had reduced her vibrant, exuberant spirit to this killed him. It made him feel blinding despair and anger, but laying here with Clare subdued those emotions, watering them down so he could give her his full, undivided attention. If she was willing to open up, if even for a moment, he needed to take full advantage of it.

"I just wanted to write," she whispered, her words a bit muffled from her face being hidden in the crook of Eli's neck. Her first shaky statement hit him like a punch in the gut, hearing the sincerity behind her words. It was true, that was all she wanted. Ever since he'd first encountered her in their English class, it was clear as day that writing was her passion. She had a skill for the pen, throwing herself into each assignment as if it was her last, as if her whole life depended on it.

He'd always admired her devotion to the craft, finding it within himself to emulate her attention to it. Oftentimes when he slacked, he looked to her for inspiration to keep up with his work. Seeing her spirit, her love for it being broken down scared him. It seemed impossible that something she loved so dearly could be ruined for her, and yet it was now. Tainted with Asher's careless actions. It seemed as if she'd never find it in herself to return to the written word again.

"I just wanted h-him to teach me what it was all about. I've never wanted anything more than this. I didn't do anything wrong and I don't understand why this is happening. I-I want to be with you and to be happy but I'm scared and I'm…_trying_. I'm trying to be able to be with you. I want to be in your arms but every time someone touches me I get scared and I hate it. It's like I'm back in that car…"

Eli stroked her back as she ranted, feeling his bottom lip quivering a bit as she spoke. He heard her whimper, his resolve to stay collected breaking once again. He had no idea, entirely clueless as to this whole event. It didn't seem like something that had gone on for one day. It could have been going on for the entirely of the internship for all he knew. A few tears stained his cheeks, dripping down into her hair. Pressing his eyes shut firmly, he clutched her tighter to him, as if she would disappear or run away if he didn't.

Clare lifted her head up and looked into Eli's eyes. He inched apart from her just slightly, turning his head away as he saw the look of guilt overtake her features. It wasn't like him to break down into a flood of tears, but this was Clare. The one person he'd made such a strict and unwavering vow to protect. He'd failed her, blinded by his own ambitions and tasks. He could have prevented this, if only he'd seen the warning signs.

She could tell Eli had been crying as well and that absolutely broke her heart. Upsetting him was the last thing she ever wanted. She didn't want him to be in any sort of pain or obstruction. Ever since they'd been back together, Clare had been trying not to let him down like she thought she had when she left him the first time. Canceling their re-first date made her feel absolutely crazy. And looking back on it now, knowing she'd canceled it to be with _Asher_ made her stomach twist and turn all over again.

"I didn't mean for this to happen…I just wanted to be a journalist. Alli told me to tell Miss Oh after that first kiss and I didn't because all I could focus on was the stupid opportunity…_how could I be so stupid_?"

Clare shook her head as she muttered the last word and choked back another sob. Her hands released from clutching Eli's shirt to wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him as close to her as she possibly could. She _wanted_ this closeness. This embrace, this comfort…she wanted _him_. And she was going to fight against every feeling of guilt and disgust just to have him next to her. He was her only safety in that moment.

All accusations against her and proof that she was nothing more than an obsessed, naïve girl mattered not when she was in his presence. Because in Eli's arms she was just _Clare_. Who was Clare Edwards? Innocent, a bit neurotic, scared, scarred, brave and an advocate for justice and grace. She felt that Asher had ripped all of that from her the second he had harassed her. But with Eli…she could feel it all coming back. He could be the one who saved her, she knew it. And she allowed him to lay simple touches and embraces and kisses upon her. With Eli she was free.

"You're not stupid." he said, running his hand up and down along her spine. "Clare, you're so far from stupid that it scares me sometimes. How brilliant you are, I've never met someone with a mind like yours before. You're the brightest person I've ever met." Each of his words was soaked in truth, nearly dripping with it. Feeling her arms wind around him, Eli took that as cue to hold her closer, enveloping her shaking frame in his arms.

"You could have gone to Miss Oh, that was an option, but you didn't, and that's okay." he assured her, kissing her forehead gently. "You can't go regretting what you didn't do now, it's only going to drive you crazy." He winced at his selection of words, realizing he should clarify. "Regrets will turn you into this bitter, self-loathing beast, Clare. I would know, I became one for a while." He pushed a few curls out of her face, twirling them around his index finger. "I can already see it engulfing you, and it's killing me." he admitted, tearing up a bit more.

"He may have taken advantage of your trust and your willingness to learn, but _do not_ let him break you." His voice trembled a bit, locking his gaze with hers, the blue in her irises dulling behind her tears. "You are the most beautiful human being I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, it's why I need you in my life so badly. You have so much to offer, so much to learn. We're not going to let him win. I'm going to protect you from now on." He licked his lips to wet them, feeling them become more and more dry with each word he spoke.

"I f-failed you this time, and I won't do it ever again." he choked out, then taking one of his hands back briefly to wipe his eyes. Letting it fall back on Clare, he kissed her lips gently, carefully, so she wouldn't get scared. "I love you. No one's going to hurt you like that ever again. I'm going to keep you safe, and you're going to be okay." he promised, knowing he would find the strength within himself to keep his word, come hell or high waters.

Clare tried to calm her cries as Eli massaged her back and tried to calm her down. She was smart school wise, she knew that. But when it came to this situation, she couldn't help but feel completely clueless. Alli had told her to go to Miss Oh but she hadn't. Eli was wrong, it wasn't okay. It was all because of her stubborn pride that she kept going back to that damn office, trying so hard to get her position fixed.

If she was smart, she wouldn't have gone back. She would have reported the kiss and this would have never happened. Instead of crying in Eli's arms they probably would be kissing and watching movies. But no, she just had to get into that car with Asher. The thought of it being a bad idea crossed her mind more than once. She knew that there was a possibility of something happening but chose not to believe it. _That_ made her stupid and she knew it. Eli didn't understand. He…he couldn't.

"It's not that simple, Eli. I'm already broken. It's done. I- I can't get help from anyone. Even if I went to the police to report him now I'd still have no way to back up my accusations and they'd make me feel like an idiot again."

The words coming from her lips tasted so familiar, having been the same ones she'd uttered to Alli the day after she'd tried to call Asher out in front of everyone. Clare shook her head at Eli's words, wishing that he wouldn't be thinking it was his fault. It couldn't be. He had no idea. She allowed Eli to kiss her, not giving anything in return. It was the best she could do at the moment and she only hoped that he'd understand.

"This isn't your fault, Eli, don't do that. I didn't tell you. Alli told me to say something but I didn't so you not knowing isn't your fault at all. You can't always protect me and that was just one of those times."

Eli let out an exasperated sigh, almost frustrated with how Clare clearly was not comprehending him. He had no use for police or the other employees at the Interpreter, he knew they'd be of no use to him. If anything, they would only worsen matters, yet again making a mockery of Clare's claim against Asher.

"I don't plan on talking to the police, Clarebelle." he stated, trying to keep his tone even and patient. He couldn't bring himself to say exactly what his plan was, but if she'd been paying attention at all to his prior promises, then he figured she'd have a vague idea in her head. Placing his lips on hers, he felt no resistance, but still no reciprocation on her part. He couldn't bring himself to get torn up about it though, fully understanding the mixture of sadness and numbness she must have been experiencing.

Clare reached her hand up to wipe away some of the tears that were falling down his face. The fact that he was crying because of something that happened to _her_ only made her feel worse. Eli's eyes shut out of instinct as her fingers made contact with his skin, wiping away the moisture.

"I just want to keep you safe. I should be able to do that much, after how royally I've fucked up in the past." he explained, then shaking his head at her next statement. "You're so headstrong, I can see why you didn't, even if it would have been the wise choice."

Clare always had this way of facing her problems head-on, rarely ever asking for help in the matter. As timid as she seemed in other situations, she never was when it came to sticking up for herself. This time was no different, only reaping less than desirable results; ones that would surely stick around to haunt her for a long while. If anyone deserved this least, it was Clare. She had the purest of hearts, the kindest of intentions.

"You're not a bad boyfriend because you didn't know. It's my fault for not going to anyone in the first place." Clare took in a breath, feeling the tears slowing to a stop and she tried to calm herself. She wiped her own tears with the back of her wrist and laid her head against Eli's chest, her arms wrapping around his torso. "The only thing you can do is just…hold me here. And please don't let me go because…I…I really need you, Eli. I love you."

Clare knew that her words had a double meaning that she knew that Eli could keep. Or at least that he'd try his hardest to keep. If it was impossible for him to do, she knew that it'd be best to just let go. But that factor was so far from her mind that she didn't even need to register it.

Pulling her a little closer to him as she laid against his chest, Eli kept his breaths light and shallow so as not disturb her as she rested on him.

"I'm not going to let you go, Clare. Not now, not ever." he promised, his fingers trailing up and down the side of her arm. "I never thought you would need me. I didn't think I'd ever be worthy." He smiled a bit to himself, finding the only shred of goodness in the moment: her. "I love you so much." he whispered, moving his hand back to hair, letting his curls thread through his fingers.

Just lying there in Eli's arms and getting the words out in the open was enough for her to start to relax. To let him embrace her and let him hold her. Was this the hardest or was the worst yet to come? She wasn't quite sure. But Clare did know that now Eli had heard the truth, it felt like there was a large weight relieved from her shoulders. She could breathe. Eli was hurting and she was, too, she knew that. But at least they were getting through it. There were no more secrets. No more excuses to why she was being so distant. This wasn't his fault by a long shot and she was going to stop at nothing to get him to believe that.

Clare shifted her head a bit to place a careful kiss on Eli's neck before going back to resting her cheek on his chest. Eli smiled widely to himself, slightly surprised at the gesture. It was a small step in the right direction, one he knew she would keep in as long as she had help along the way. The longer she stayed still, the calmer she seemed to become. Her thumbs smoothed over his back, rubbing light circles against him. He seemed to be just as upset over this as she'd been.

She knew it would impact him greatly long before she'd told him. Her small motions on his back soothed him, lulled by her fingers on him. She had no idea the effect she had on him in any circumstance, under any amount of pressure. One touch for Clare, and he could feel a bit of the stress melt away.

"I- I know that…everything is blurry right now…but c-can we just get back to the movie night? I don't want to focus on this right now. I want it out of my mind. I want to be with you and feel okay with you. I'm sorry for being tense earlier…just…I don't want to be upset. I want to be happy. With you."

"Absolutely." he agreed, figuring that getting her mind off of everything would serve as a small relief, a mini escape.

Clare pushed herself back and looked up to Eli. Her eyes searched his, seeing the red rimming around his natural green. Taking a breath, she placed her hand on his cheek and leaned in to kiss him, parting their lips. Eli easily and instinctively fell into it, grateful for her soft lips on his. He sighed softly, feeling her absence right as she pulled away. She caressed his skin with the back of her fingers lightly and smiled a little.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For being here with me. I love you."

"My pleasure, Clare." he responded, tilting his head just slightly into her touch. "I love you so much, gorgeous."

With that, he lifted the both of them up from their reclining position, seating himself behind her to let her lean into him. Snatching the remote off the bed, he rewound the movie just a bit, allowing them to watch what they'd missed while talking. Gently, he wrapped his arms around her waist, peppering her cheeks with kisses occasionally as they watched. He could feel her breathing becoming less ragged with each passing moment, her body resting fully on his.

Throughout the rest of the movie, he found himself not looking at the screen, but at her. Before Clare, he'd never known what it was like to lose himself in another human being, allowing them to see the rustiest, most abandoned corners of his personality. Within Clare, he found peace of mind and solace. He'd be damned if he couldn't do the same for her, that much he knew.

Tipping his head back, he closed his eyes, listening to the sound of Clare breathing and the movie. Something needed to be done, and quickly. Though his plan was half-baked and premature yet, he couldn't let Asher waltz around as if he'd done nothing. Eli was determined to find retribution for Clare, however small or large. He'd never be able to get back the piece of her, but he'd see to it that Asher Shostak suffered for what he'd stolen from her.

**End. Feedback would be wonderful! xo**


End file.
